Adolescent Behavior Problems

Many adolescents today have problems and are getting into trouble. After all, there are a lot of pressures for kids to deal with among friends and family. For some youth, pressures include poverty, violence, parental problems, and gangs. Kids may also be concerned about significant issues such as religion, gender roles, values, or ethnicity. Some children are having difficulty dealing with past traumas they have experienced, like abuse. Parents and their teenagers are struggling between the youth's wanting independence while still needing parental guidance. Sometimes all these conflicts result in behavior problems.
Any number of isolated behavior problems can represent adolescent problems and delinquency-shoplifting, truancy, a fight in school, drug or alcohol ingestion. Sometimes, kids can't easily explain why they act the way they do. They may be just as confused about it as the adults, or they simply see delinquent behaviors as appropriate ways to deal with what they experience. Parents and loved ones may feel scared, angry, frustrated, or hopeless. They may feel guilty and wonder where they went wrong. All these feelings are normal, but it is important to understand that there is help available to troubled kids and their families.
HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN TO SEEK HELP?
What are the signs of trouble? Many adolescents get into trouble sometimes. A big question for parents (whether they be "traditional," single, step, or grand-parents), though, is how to know when a youth is headed for more serious problems, or when bad behavior is just "a kid being a kid." Try to focus on patterns rather than an isolated event. In other words, does the behavior happen repeatedly despite efforts to change it?
The patterns signaling the need for help include not only deviant behaviors by the adolescent, but also the presence of other problems in the family or tensions at home. For example, problems in the parents' marriage or frequent fighting or hostility among the family members can also be involved in the youth's behavior problems. The problem behaviors and other family issues can interact and feed off each other, so that it is hard to tell where it started.
Of course, there are also some obvious signs that indicate the need for immediate and effective intervention, including violence against other persons or animals, or when peers are involved in destructive processes (crime, truancy, drugs). Or, a parent may simply have an instinctive feeling that something serious is happening. An important first step to find out what is going on is to try to talk to the adolescent and other family members about what is happening, possible reasons, and potential solutions. Others who know the adolescent and family, like teachers or caregivers, may also be able to provide information about the youth's mood or behaviors outside of the home to help assess the severity of the problem.
Many factors put youth and families at risk for juvenile delinquency, though they do not necessarily cause delinquency. Such factors include youth attention and hyperactivity problems and learning disorders, volatile temperament, and even the early onset of puberty and sexual development. All these factors affect the way an adolescent feels and acts and also how peers, family, and society view the adolescent. Similarly, parental problems, such as depression, substance abuse, and domestic violence can interact negatively with a youth's developing path of delinquency. Rather than causing delinquency, factors such as these tend to place youth at increased risk, intensify the downward spiral, and in turn add to the difficulty in changing these processes for the better.
WHAT KINDS OF TREATMENTS WILL WORK?
Once you have determined that you and your loved ones need help, there are many kinds of treatment that you should explore. First, there are popular group-based, residential, and "life-experiential" options, like survival camps, boot camps, and "scared straight" programs, which have had some limited success. Research indicates that the most effective treatments, even with very difficult youth, are programs and treatments that are family-based and multisystemic. That means treatment that involves the adolescent and his or her family, and that also addresses other aspects of their lives, such as the school sys-tem, the neighborhood, peers, juvenile justice system, and even employers. In other words, it is treatment that focuses on all the parts of the youth's life that shape how he or she views the world, emphasizing family and parental support.
Treatments that focus on the family can also be useful in helping adults develop their parenting skills, deal with stress, and work on marital relationships. Many parent aids have demonstrated promising positive results. Professionals, such as family therapists, are there to help the adolescent and family gain understanding of the relationship dynamics and background issues that may be influencing the problem, and come up with solutions.
The next section provides more ideas on how to start finding help for adolescent problems.

REFERENCES AND RESOURCES
Parenting Teenagers: Systematic Training for Effective Parenting of Teens. By Don Dinkmeyer Jr., Gary McKay, Joyce McKay, and Don Dinkmeyer, Sr. Times Books (1998). This book explores the parenting of adolescents through the Systematic Training for Effective Parenting (STEP) program. It includes practical information to help encourage mutual respect, cooperation, responsibility, and self-reliance in teenagers. The authors discuss how parents can take care of themselves in times of stress, include real-life examples, and address married and single parents and stepparents.
Parenting Wisely. By FamilyWorks, Inc. This interactive multimedia program, which parents can use at home on a multimedia computer, is based on parenting research and helps parents improve their parenting skills. It addresses three main areas: how to communicate better using active listening and "I" messages; assertive discipline, including contracting, praise, and setting consequences; and supervision, or working with teachers, and monitoring homework and friends. The program features many types of families and different cultures. For more information on the program, contact FamilyWorks, Inc., 20 East Circle Drive, Suite 190, Athens, Ohio 45701-3751, or call (740) 593-9505.
Before It's Too Late: Why Some Kids Get Into Trouble-and What Parents Can Do About It. By Stanton Samenow. Times Books (1999). With the encouraging message that kids' behavioral problems can be corrected with proper intervention, this book offers useful insight into children's personalities, providing practical suggestions for changing bad behaviors and averting problems. The author discusses ways to recognize potential problems early, identifying common traits of antisocial children. It also teaches coping skills and introduces ways to help kids accept responsibility for their actions.

A Parent's Guide to Surviving the Teen Years

You've lived through 2 AM feedings, toddler temper tantrums, and the back-to-school blues. So why is the word "teenager" causing you so much anxiety?
When you consider that the teen years are a period of intense growth, not only physically but morally and intellectually, it's understandable that it's a time of confusion and upheaval for many families.
Despite some adults' negative perceptions about teens, they are often energetic, thoughtful, and idealistic, with a deep interest in what's fair and right. So, although it can be a period of conflict between parent and child, the teen years are also a time to help kids grow into the distinct individuals they will become.

Understanding the Teen Years

So when, exactly, does adolescence start? The message to send your kid is: Everybody's different. There are early bloomers, late arrivers, speedy developers, and slow-but-steady growers. In other words, there's a wide range of what's considered normal.
But it's important to make a (somewhat artificial) distinction between puberty and adolescence. Most of us think of puberty as the development of adult sexual characteristics: breasts, menstrual periods, pubic hair, and facial hair. These are certainly the most visible signs of impending adulthood, but kids who are showing physical changes (between the ages of 8 and 14 or so) can also be going through a bunch of changes that aren't readily seen from the outside. These are the changes of adolescence.
Many kids announce the onset of adolescence with a dramatic change in behavior around their parents. They're starting to separate from Mom and Dad and to become more independent. At the same time, kids this age are increasingly aware of how others, especially their peers, see them and are desperately trying to fit in.
Kids often start "trying on" different looks and identities, and they become acutely aware of how they differ from their peers, which can result in episodes of distress and conflict with parents.

Butting Heads

One of the common stereotypes of adolescence is the rebellious, wild teen continually at odds with Mom and Dad. Although it may be the case for some kids and this is a time of emotional ups and downs, that stereotype certainly is not representative of most teens.
But the primary goal of the teen years is to achieve independence. For this to occur, teens will start pulling away from their parents — especially the parent whom they're the closest to. This can come across as teens always seeming to have different opinions than their parents or not wanting to be around their parents in the same way they used to.
As teens mature, they start to think more abstractly and rationally. They're forming their moral code. And parents of teens may find that kids who previously had been willing to conform to please them will suddenly begin asserting themselves — and their opinions — strongly and rebelling against parental control.
You may need to look closely at how much room you give your teen to be an individual and ask yourself questions such as: "Am I a controlling parent?," "Do I listen to my child?," and "Do I allow my child's opinions and tastes to differ from my own?"

Tips for Parenting During the Teen Years

Looking for a roadmap to find your way through these years? Here are some tips:

Educate Yourself

Read books about teenagers. Think back on your own teen years. Remember your struggles with acne or your embarrassment at developing early — or late. Expect some mood changes in your typically sunny child, and be prepared for more conflict as he or she matures as an individual. Parents who know what's coming can cope with it better. And the more you know, the better you can prepare.

Talk to Your Child Early Enough

Talking about menstruation or wet dreams after they've already started means you're too late. Answer the early questions kids have about bodies, such as the differences between boys and girls and where babies come from. But don't overload them with information — just answer their questions.
You know your kids. You can hear when your child's starting to tell jokes about sex or when attention to personal appearance is increasing. This is a good time to jump in with your own questions such as:

• Are you noticing any changes in your body?
• Are you having any strange feelings?
• Are you sad sometimes and don't know why?

A yearly physical exam is a great time to bring up these things. A doctor can tell your preadolescent — and you — what to expect in the next few years. An exam can serve as a jumping-off point for a good parent/child discussion. The later you wait to have this discussion, the more likely your child will be to form misconceptions or become embarrassed about or afraid of physical and emotional changes.
Furthermore, the earlier you open the lines of communication, the better chance you have of keeping them open through the teen years. Give your child books on puberty written for kids going through it. Share memories of your own adolescence. There's nothing like knowing that Mom or Dad went through it, too, to put a child more at ease.

Put Yourself in Your Child's Place

Practice empathy by helping your child understand that it's normal to be a bit concerned or self-conscious, and that it's OK to feel grown-up one minute and like a kid the next.

Pick Your Battles

If teenagers want to dye their hair, paint their fingernails black, or wear funky clothes, think twice before you object. Teens want to shock their parents and it's a lot better to let them do something temporary and harmless; leave the objections to things that really matter, like tobacco, drugs and alcohol.

Maintain Your Expectations

Teens will likely act unhappy with expectations their parents place on them. However, they usually understand and need to know that their parents care enough about them to expect certain things such as good grades, acceptable behavior, and adherence to the rules of the house. If parents have appropriate expectations, teens will likely try to meet them.

Inform Your Teen — and Stay Informed Yourself

The teen years often are a time of experimentation, and sometimes that experimentation includes risky behaviors. Don't avoid the subjects of sex, or drug, alcohol, and tobacco use; discussing these things openly with kids before they're exposed to them increases the chance that they'll act responsibly when the time comes.
Know your child's friends — and know their friends' parents. Regular communication between parents can go a long way toward creating a safe environment for all teens in a peer group. Parents can help each other keep track of the kids' activities without making the kids feel that they're being watched.

Know the Warning Signs

A certain amount of change may be normal during the teen years, but too drastic or long-lasting a switch in personality or behavior may signal real trouble — the kind that needs professional help. Watch for one or more of these warning signs:

• extreme weight gain or loss
• sleep problems
• rapid, drastic changes in personality
• sudden change in friends
• skipping school continually
• falling grades
• talk or even jokes about suicide
• signs of tobacco, alcohol, or drug use
• run-ins with the law

Any other inappropriate behavior that lasts for more than 6 weeks can be a sign of underlying trouble, too. You may expect a glitch or two in your teen's behavior or grades during this time, but your A/B student shouldn't suddenly be failing, and your normally outgoing kid shouldn't suddenly become constantly withdrawn. Your doctor or a local counselor, psychologist, or psychiatrist can help you find proper counseling.

Respect Kids' Privacy

Some parents, understandably, have a very hard time with this one. They may feel that anything their kids do is their business. But to help your teen become a young adult, you'll need to grant some privacy. If you notice warning signs of trouble, then you can invade your child's privacy until you get to the heart of the problem. But otherwise, it's a good idea to back off.
In other words, your teenager's room and phone calls should be private. You also shouldn't expect your teen to share all thoughts or activities with you at all times. Of course, for safety reasons, you should always know where teens are going, what they're doing, and with whom, but you don't need to know every detail. And you definitely shouldn't expect to be invited along!

Monitor What Kids See and Read

TV shows, magazines and books, the Internet — kids have access to tons of information. Be aware of what yours watch and read. Don't be afraid to set limits on the amount of time spent in front of the computer or the TV. Know what they're learning from the media and who they may be communicating with online.

Make Appropriate Rules

Bedtime for a teenager should be age appropriate, just as it was when your child was a baby. Reward your teen for being trustworthy. Does your child keep to a 10 PM curfew? Move it to 10:30 PM. And does a teen always have to go along on family outings? Decide what your expectations are, and don't be insulted when your growing child doesn't always want to be with you. Think back: You probably felt the same way about your mom and dad.

Will This Ever Be Over?

As kids progress through the teen years, you'll notice a slowing of the highs and lows of adolescence. And, eventually, they'll become independent, responsible, communicative young adults. So remember the motto of many parents with teens: We're going through this together, and we'll come out of it — together!
Reviewed by: Steven Dowshen, MD
Date reviewed: December 2007